New Girl Recap: The Virgin Diaries

If you haven't watched New Girl's installment this week, please back away from the computer and keep walking away. For the rest of you, feel free to keep reading on.

It was the tale of the lost virginities of all who inhabit the loft, and Cece. The episode starts off with Jess getting a text from the man who took away her flower, Teddy, asking to go out. This starts off the stories of all the first times of the gang.

Jess begins by giving a long-winded tale of her first time. It all began in 2000 of prom night. When her date could not get her dress off (her mom had to sew it up because Jess made it) she yelled at him to be a man and he freaked out a little bit. She left the room for a bit and ran into a lovely looking man with a guitar with whom they shared a duet of Lisa Loeb's "Stay." When it all seems that this is how Jess lost it, it is all for color. Years later, when Jess is 22 and worrying because she is still a virgin, she see Mr. Guitar in the very bar that Nick now bartends. Fun gag, Winston, Nick, and Schmidt are all at the bar in the flashback and Jess' look of disgust when Cece suggests she have one of them "take her flower" is pure gold. Back to the story: Mr. Guitar and Jess go to do it in a play castle, except he can't perform due to antidepressants. It then ends up being morning and the firemen have to come to get the almost-lovers out of the castle. Turns out, Teddy is one of the firemen.

Cece's story is much shorter and much less embarrassing. It is prom night once again and while sitting in the hotel bar, Mick Jagger spots her and asks to have sex. That's pretty much the end of it and the boys are all very impressed, especially Schmidt.

There is also not too much to say about Winston's story. He and Nick are in New York in their teens with Nick's father, who so very kindly orders some prostitutes. While Nick cannot do the deed with his, marvelously called Octopussy, Winston loses it with his women, Mysteria. Turns out, Winston never actually figured out that she was a prostitute until telling this story and Nick confiding that his dad swore him to secrecy until his death. During this scene, there is a nice exchange between Nick and his dad: "I don't want you to miss out on the best things in life because you are thinking too much. Because those turn out to be the best things." I'm paraphrasing them.

Schmidt's story is with his college girlfriend, Elizabeth, played by Merritt Weaver. The funniest moment comes a few hours earlier, when Schmidt goes to Nick to ask some advice about loving his lady. I was basically in tears by this point. So the story: Schmidt overuses the mega bucket of lube he bought and slips on Nick, who was tripping in his bed. But it still all goes to plan.

Nick's story: "Allison Daniels, on a towel in the woods. She cried. I left her bra on. It was nice."

Back in the present day, the gang all leave to see their various significant others, sans Nick who is staying in the apartment. Jess get's in the elevator to go meet Teddy and as the doors close, Nick's arm pops through and he enters as Ellie Goulding's "Anything Can Happen" rises. He lifts her in his arms, the two enter the bedroom and, after a little montage of the rest of the loft mate's nights, we see Nick and Jess, sweaty, lying in bed having just (finally!) done the deed. After a multitude of emotions playing across their faces, the pair burst out laughing. Thank God the final image was not the look of regret on their faces. The final episodes of the season should be epic.

Fox Finale Madness

Two popular shows on Fox ended tonight: Bones and The Following. Two hours, back to back of madness, intrigue, suspense, drama, you name it. Here are some mini recaps of each show to tide you over until next season. Of course, spoilers ahead.

Bones: The search for Pellant is on. This time, it is Boothe's first FBI partner who was the victim. But instead of Pellant directly doing the killing, he uses a surrogate to do the dirty work. Once they find out who he is, it turns out to be the son of a victim from an FBI raid on a compound that Pellant has used to manipulate him to commit murder. Uncovering the code, it turns out that Pellant is using another child of a victim of the raid in order to attack one of their own. At first it seems like Boothe is the target, but it turns out the intended victim is Sweets. Luckily, they reach him in time. Unfortunately, Pellant is still on the loose.

On the personal front, Brennan finally realizes that she wants to marry Boothe. She asks him, over a romantic bag of jerky, and of course he accepts. Then he gets a call from Pellant saying that he will kill seven innocent people unless Boothe tells Brennan that they will not be getting married. He tells her, she is heartbroken even though she covers it up some. And that is seasons end.

The Following: The hour open with FBI hearing from Agent Parker, who has been buried alive. With the call from her, the agents frantically search for her burial spot, but unfortunately to no avail. Meanwhile, Joe brings Claire to a lighthouse, claiming it to be his motif, though she keeps on saying that he has no imagination whatsoever. Angry, conflict ensues, Joe kills another, and when Ryan arrives, the lighthouse erupts in a burst of flames. Presumably, Joe is dead along with many of his comrades. I'm still not quite sure that I buy that he is actually gone. Claire is alive and well and she and Ryan go back to his apartment. All is happy; the couple kiss and order in some food. However, that's when it all hits the fan. Molly is in the apartment. She stabs Ryan in the gut and, when Claire finds him after taking a shower, Molly stabs her in the back. This was her final chapter.

Game of Thrones Reactions: Kissed by Fire

Every once in a while, I need to write down my thoughts while watching an episode of one of my favorite shows. Here they are for your viewing pleasure. Spoilers ahead.

• Look at Jon Snow, finally getting some. Looks like Ygritte will stop saying "you know nothing Jon Snow" at least for a little bit.
• Not a lot of things on television can creep me out, but apparently rotting flesh on the stump of an arm can.
• Looks to be the end on the lovely relationship of Arya and Gendry. I would be lying if I said I did not tear up a bit when he said "you wouldn't be my friend, you'd be my lady."
• I'm pretty sure Robb Stark is turning more and more into a meaner version of his father with every passing episode.
• If it weren't for Joffrey, I'd say Stannis is the craziest of the kings. Maybe his wife is the craziest.
• I cannot tell you how, but this show may have just made me like Jaime. Maybe it's his increased vulnerability. Maybe it's because he is not having relations with his sister anymore. Maybe it's his relationship with Brienne. Maybe it's the abs. Whatever it is, the writers have done the impossible and made me almost root for the man who pushed Bran out of that tower after being caught in a compromising position with his twin sister.
• So Jaime apparently killed his king in order to protect a lot of innocent people. OK I guess I like him now, but let's have it be on a probational basis. On a related note, can Nikolaj Coster-Waldau get some recognition for that brilliant performance in the hot tub scene?
• Daenerys is starting to feel too many feelings for the unsullied.
• When is Ser Jorah going to let it slip how in love with Daenerys he is? And when is she going to realize this fact? It is so very obvious to everyone else.
• I'm not going to give away too many spoilers from the book, but there are going to be a lot of angry fans by seasons end.
• Margaery is kind of a mean lady sending Sansa after her brother when she knows full well that he bats for the other team. Or she is just an expert schemer.
• Oh Littlefinger, just after your own selfish needs, as per usual. Sansa, please be a darling and realize his true intentions. He does not wish you the best, just the best for himself.
• Oh happy days! I am not the only one that I know who knows about the upcoming wedding between Tyrion and Sansa! One of my favorite plot points and twists of the third book is finally shown to the world. Cue me doing an evil laugh.

The Good Wife Finale: Decisions, Decisions

Scandal. Voter fraud. The gubernatorial election. Those are the main points of this weeks installment of The Good Wife. If you have yet to watch the episode and do not want to be spoiled, please turn around and back away from the computer.

It all starts with Zach witnessing possible voter fraud while voting a day early for the Illinois gubernatorial election. The ballot he saw is for Peter Florrick's rival, Christiva, so of course he goes along to tell his mother about it. There is an emergency trial with Alicia and co. arguing for voter fraud. Of course, it cannot be this simple and, when the ballot box in question is found, it turns out that a startling majority of the votes are for Florrick himself. Cue the lawyers of the case to abruptly switch sides and argue against voter fraud.

Elsewhere in the Lockhart/Gardner universe, the fourth years are in the midst of finding office space to move into when they leave the firm. What they are looking for is a little bit above what it costs to bring along Kalinda so everyone, sans Carey, are arguing to leave her at her current position in addition to accusing Carey of bias. That's when Collin Sweeney shows up, figuring out the move by Carey and co. and suggesting jumping ship with them. Sweeney then talks to Alicia about all this and then Alicia gets angry at Carey. All anger, all around at this point.

Back to the election. A third party complaint of voter fraud comes in from Peter's old campaign manager Jordan, guest star T.R. Knight, in that his client's name was spelled wrong. Turns out the name wasn't his real name anyway, so the case is thrown out. And that brings out the next biggest unanswered question of the episode: Will vs. Peter.

There's a steamy scene between Alicia and Will in his car between the voter fraud case. Alicia brings up that the kiss between them a few episodes ago opened up something between the two again. They kiss, Diane sees, and it's back to court with Alicia's choice still completely up in the air.

Back in the courtroom, Jordan shows up again, that sly dog, to claim voter fraud in this area. The judge makes his ruling, and he rules against Alicia, Will and Diane. So 30,000+ votes are thrown out on the night prior to a nail bitingly close election. Who is with me in thinking that this whole thing was just a scene by Jordan in order to get his revenge on Peter for firing him and sticking with Eli instead?

And now it's election day. Eli is watching Hostel 3, which is probably some foreshadowing for what is to occur for the latter half of the finale. Even though the ruling came in, Alicia recalls Zach who contends that Jordan was lying under oath, bringing in a revised ruling. During the judges deliberation, however, Will and Kalinda come across a video of one of Florrick's campaign people doing the very fraud that they are up against. Will tells Peter, the two are sassy at each other for a bit, and Peter tells Will to make the decision based on whether he wants Peter to win or not. Will ends up not submitting it and they win the case. And Will wins by way more than the votes up for grabs in court. Cue random cameo by Mayor Mike Bloomberg.

Now onto the juicy stuff, Kalinda tells Carey to go to hell because he asked the new investigator to move with him. The elder Mrs. Florrick tells off her son. And Alicia has a big decision to make. Actually two decisions. Well we don't see her decision on the Will and Peter front, but we do learn that she chose to go with Carey. Looks like next season we will see some good drama in the new firm of Florrick/Agos.

Who else is excited about the new firm in town? Who saw it coming from a mile away that Alicia was in fact talking to Carey instead of Will? And who else is super frustrated that we didn't see Alicia choose between Will and Peter?

Scandal Recap: Huck Gets Crazed

If you have not yet seen this week's episode of Scandal, please leave now. If you have or just like to read spoilers, then read on.

At the end of the last episode, we see Huck in a dicey situation at the storage facility and Olivia banging her head pretty good because of Jake. This week's episode picks up right after the fact, with Huck chanting the number 752 over and over and Olivia getting a special visit from the President. While Huck was chanting his numbers, the Fitz was chanting to Olivia that he loved her, while she rebuffs him.

Flashback: We see a cleaner version of Huck returning from a tour in Kosovo visiting his girlfriend, played beautifully by guest star Jasika Nicole. The two are happy and in love and, of course, we know this must end badly since she is not a regular on the show and Huck is now much dirtier and a little crazier. Returning from his tour of duty with the Marines, Huck is offered a government job with the CIA, one that has a job description of torturing and killing supposed traitors. And so it begins.

Back to the present, we see the President sticking by Olivia's hospital room even though she continuously says she hates him and will not talk to him. This causes all sorts of problems for Cyrus as he must now explain why Fitz is at the hospital in the middle of the night. And of course Mellie is not at all happy about all of this. As she is about to be discharged from the hospital, Olivia and Fitz have an intense moment of him saying that he's still angry about Defiance, but he cannot live without her and her admitting to still loving him. The two kiss, which of course makes the audience ridiculously excited. And a second later Olivia says she cannot do it anymore. Fitz looks devastated, goes back to the White House Only to find Mellie leaving him and take their son with her.

Back to the flashbacks. Huck is happy. He likes torturing and killing people. And then his life turns upside down. His girlfriend becomes pregnant, the two marry, and he begins to not enjoy his job anymore. Well of course the CIA is bound to find out and, when they do, they lock Huck in a box for extended periods of time, continuously asking if he has a wife and child, which he steadfastly says that he does. It even gets to the point when crazy assassin guy thinks that the CIA is doing too much. Finally, he says no. When assassin man is about to kill him, he instead lets him go and tells him to be a ghost. When saying that the mission is a success, we learn that the boss is none other than the man meeting with Jake about Albatross. Twists and turns everywhere. And Huck cannot even remember if his family is real or not, though Olivia gets him to admit that they at least felt real. Then we learn the reason for the number 752. It was the exact time when he saw his wife and son as Union Station and his son gave him a dollar, never realizing Huck was never more than a homeless man.

So what happens next? And can we please see Jasika Nicole again?

Game of Thrones Reactions: And Now His Watch is Ended

Every once in a while, I need to write down my thoughts while watching an episode of one of my favorite shows. Here they are for your viewing pleasure. Spoilers ahead.

• How this show actually made it possible for me to feel sorry for Jamie Lannister, I will never understand.
• And now I feel bad for Varys. What is happening?
• Wait wait wait.... Cassie from Skins is now on this show? With Chris already there, it's like a mini little reunion.
• Everyone seems to love Margaery.
• Brienne and Jamie just need to hook up.
• I quite enjoy how everyone on this show seems to hate Joffrey. Except maybe his mother.
• I freaking love Margaery's grandmother: "Lord Varys are you trying to seduce me?" So sarcastic and amazing.
• Theon can't catch a break, can he?
• Oh man if only people knew quite what was in store for Sansa for the rest of the season...
• I forgot how mad creepy this guy with all the daughters and sons is. Stay safe Night's Watch, stay safe.
• Now I feel sympathy for the Hound. This show makes me feel feelings that I do not want to feel.
• Daenarys is a badass now apparently.
• Even I would fight for Daenarys after that show of force.

MTV Movie Awards Hosted by Rebel Wilson

You knew it had to be a good show when this was the first time in recent memory when Twilight wasn't nominated in pretty much every category.

The opening: What can I say. James Franco was there and made fun of his own hosting. Rebel Wilson had a boyfriend of Channing Tatum and his butt. Iron Man Giant (I would watch that movie). Wilson singing The Climb. The cast of Pitch Perfect! Skylar Astin rapping. And she was basically just overall hilarious with the perfect amount of raunchiness. So basically better than every other opening for this show I've seen in the last few years.

Of course, the show went off the rails after the beginning. Here is a breakdown of all the winners.

Best Male Performance: Bradley Cooper for Silver Linings Playbook. He can't win any real awards for this movie because of Daniel Day Lewis. But I am psyched he won! ANd he gave a little PSA for our vets, of which I'm sure most of the viewers of this show know nothing about.

Best WTF Moment: Jamie Foxx and Samuel L. Jackson. I'm pretty sure most of that entire movie could fit into this category, just like every other Quentin Tarantino movie.

Best Fight: Marvel's The Avengers. This definitely deserved to win. Probably the most expensive of all the nominees as well. It is always good to see Tom Hiddleston and Chris Evans. And Joss Whedon deserves every award made ever.

Trailblazer Award: Emma Watson. I am about her age, and boy did this make me feel bad about all of my accomplishments. It also made me REALLY miss Harry Potter. Jonah Hill's "announcement"about them starring in Fifty Shades of Grey was also perfect.

Best Kiss: Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook. Only Cooper was there, so not really as much to say about this award as in years past.

Comedic Genius Award: Will Ferrell. I don't know if I'd say a genius, but I was ready to go with it. And then the speech went on. And there was clearly a bet that Aubrey Plaza lost in order to promote a movie. At least Will went for it. And then his Asian family came on stage (don't ask). Oh, and he was wearing a three-piece money suit. This is essentially when the show went off the rails.

Breakthrough Performance: Rebel Wilson. No real surprise here. She basically made Pitch Perfect as wonderful and hilarious as it was. Without her, it would just have really good singing, and not have the same funnies and heart.

Best Shirtless Performance: Taylor Lautner for Twilight. HOW THE HECK DID CHANNING TATUM NOT WIN? There are no words to describe my anger.

Best Villain: Tom Hiddleston for The Avengers. He was Hulk smashed. And he is an evil god. So basically he deserved the award. And he called Joss Whedon a beautiful badass.

Generation Award: Jamie Foxx. He seems like a pretty cool guy. So he definitely deserves this. Especially for his ground breaking role as Motherf****er Jones in Horrible Bosses.

Best Musical Moment: The cast of Pitch Perfect. Just a bunch of regular gals singing to a Mariah Carey chart topper.

Before I get to best movie, Brad Pitt why are you there? OK and the winner is...

Best Movie: Marvel's The Avengers. Making it the night's winner of most popcorn trophies. Joss, you deserve this buddy, even though most of me was pulling for Silver Linings. But seriously, Joss freaking Whedon, you are amazing and wonderful for writing and directing such a wonderful superhero movie that I'm pretty sure everyone in the world saw.

SNL with Vince Vaughn

Vince Vaughn hosted the latest installment of the Saturday night staple. And while it was not on the level of awesomeness as Melissa McCarthy or Justin Timberlake's hosting gigs, this outing was not nearly the worst of the season. Here are my picks for the best and worst skits of the week.

Best

HBO's Al Pacino Accused Murderers Biopics: Bill Hader as several different accused murderers in this courtroom drama. Notable murderers: Amanda Knox and Conrad Murray. And yes, that means Hader played Al Pacino as a woman and as an African American.

History of Punk: This was one of the biggest surprise in memoriams for Margaret Thatcher that I have seen all week. Truly original and funny.

Worst

Stormy Skies: Just utterly boring. With hardly a laugh to be had.

Weekend Update: While Seth Meyers seemed to do his best with the material from the past week, so much more could have been done. And the "guests" were just not at all funny or groundbreaking.

All in all: An alright outing. Just some advice that may help: BRING BACK PETER DRUNKLAGE!

Why Pitch Perfect is Amazing

I remember reading in Entertainment Weekly's fall movie preview that they were not looking forward to this movie at all. Then, when it came out, they fell in love with it. Just like most of America. Here are some reasons why this is one of modern times' semi-cult classics.

• People love it despite its premise. Seriously. It should just be a Glee ripoff, but it is not. Instead, it has a heart of its own with wonderful songs and mashups to boot.
• Anna Kendrick is fabulous as the lead. Sure she may be an Oscar nominated actress, but I'm pretty sure that before this movie she was most well known for her minor role in the Twilight franchise. Thankfully, I do not think that is the case anymore.
• Skylar Astin, best known for roles in the musical Spring Awakening and the film Hamlet 2, is a breakout. Not only is his singing voice to die for, he actually portrays a realistic college romance. Not an easy thing to do, if I do say so myself.
• Whoever arranged the music is amazing. The mashups are perfection and are actually relevant to the story.
• Kudos to the casting directors. It is pretty easy in film to go with the big names instead of the big voices. The actors and actresses in this movie are all extremely musically talented. While there are some big names (looking at you Elizabeth Banks and McLovin'), they are not the main characters of the film.
• It is actually funny. I give most of the credit to Rebel Wilson and Adam DeVine. Each of these actors stole the show in every scene that they were in.

So if you haven't seen this movie already, I really urge you to see it. And it is also great to watch multiple times. Not many movies can achieve that.

Why You Should Watch Hannibal

Hugh Dancy. That is all.

First Thoughts on NBC's Hannibal

The first episode of NBC's Hannibal got off to a bloody good start (see what I did there?), and it wasn't even until about 30 minutes into the episode that we got to see the namesake of the show. And when we finally did, he was drinking some nice chianti with some liver and fava beans (I mean, I'm just assuming). As it should be.

The show opens with a series of murders of young girls, all matching the same physical profile. Lawrence Fishbourne plays the lead investigator on the case, Agent Jack Crawford, who brings in our protagonist, Will Graham (Hugh Dancy) to help with the profile of the killer. It is quickly revealed to the audience that Graham has a personality disorder closely related to autism or asbergers. This disorder, however, makes him able to brilliantly enter the minds of the killers and find evidence and motives. In fact, he can empathize with almost any human being. And it is precisely this genius that allows him to make the connection that the killer eats his victims. Enter Dr. Hannibal Lector.

Dr. Lector (Mads Mikkelsen) is referred by a fellow psychiatrist to work on his very own case. With Graham's special observation skills, you may imagine that the two men do not get along so well, which allows the world to experience this bit of genius dialogue from Dancy: "Don't psychoanalyze me. You wont like me when I'm psychoanalyzed."

The show brings what you might expect from a history of Hannibal Lector: gore, violence, intrigue, and of course lots of nice footage of him cooking body parts. What you may not expect are the brilliant performances from the two leads. Dancy is able to play a slightly unstable man with a personality disorder with such ease and grace somehow and Mikkelsen brings in the creep factor without going over the top.

Bottom line: Watch this brilliant show. Seriously. If you need great television in your life, you have to watch this show.

Grade: A